19.7.10

buffy


a very depressed and alone
sarah michelle gellar
taking xanax and drinking wine
makes low resolution cell phone videos
of herself talking 'mad shit'
about twilight and true blood
immediately feels incredibly stupid
after posting them to youtube
under an anonymous account
for which she has already forgotten the password
begins to cry uncontrollably
for a long period of time
takes another xanax
and hopes she never remembers anything
ever again
feels stupid about how depressed she feels
drinks another glass of wine
and falls asleep


2.7.10

chris jordan


I will photoshop tiny pictures of chuck close's face
the same picture of chuck close's face

I will photoshop the picture so that it looks like he has painted his face
with corporate logos

same face, different logo

coke, coca cola, mountain dew, pepsi, brillo pads, campbell's soup
sport's fan style face paint

I will arrange the photos into a large mosaic

coke face chuck close for red
campbell's soup can chuck close face for less red
pepsi for blue
chuck close face mountain dew green
et cetera

the overall image will be of andy warhol
painting andy warhol
from an image of andy warhol
in a mirror

I will do this on a laptop
I will use photoshop
I will print off the the tiny photoshopped
sports fan style painted chuck close faces

I will go to kinko's
I will use an inkjet printer
I will print off the tiny photoshopped
coca cola mountain dew pepsi chuck close corporate logo faces
all of the campbel's soup brillo pad coca cola faces

I will arrange them on a wall

the larger image of andy warhol
painting andy warhol
from a polaroid of andy warhol
dressed as a can of campbell's soup
painted to look like a can of coca cola
sitting in a room of mirrors
made of tiny photoshopped pictures of fuck face chuck close
spiraling out into infinity
forming a fractal of the word 'fractal'

I will title the piece 'Chris Jordan'
I will sell 'Chris Jordan' on ebay
I will sell everything on ebay
I will sell the inkjet printer from kinko's on ebay
I will sell my ebay account on ebay

I will buy a plane ticket
I will hire a private investigator
the private investigator will use google

I will use google
I will find chuck close
I will fly there
I will punch chuck close in the face

I will photograph chuck close's punched face
I will use photoshop
I will use an inkjet printer at kinko's
I will print a new version of "Chris Jordan"
I will create a new ebay account
I will sell 'Chris Jordan' version 2.0 on ebay

I will do this as many times as necessary
I will do this until chuck close takes out a restraining order
I will do this until I kill chuck close and he has me arrested
I will do this until a team of highly trained bodyguards corner me
punch me in the face and kill me repeatedly
I will do this until I am cornered by the police
repeatedly punched in the face and killed
I will do this until I am sent to prison
cornered by a gang of prisoners
punched in the face repeatedly
and killed

I will continue to sell ever newer versions of 'Chris Jordan' on ebay
made of ever newer versions of punched in the face chuck close

I will kill chuck close
go to prison
be punched in the face
and killed
repeatedly

I will do this as many times as necessary
then I will stop.



*****



(Inspired by Chris Jordan's current exhibition, 'Running the Numbers,' now on display at the Austin Museum of Modern Art)