the titanic

went back in time to dismantle the bomb that blew a hole

in the hull of the titanic and the goddamn boat hit an iceberg anyways

- drowned in the freezing cold unforgiving ocean

and history didn't seem to give a fuck

that's white people - trying to assassinate hitler

but he's just capitalism

and you can't stop that with a bullet to the head

might as well machine gun a tyrannosaur rex to make all the difference in the world

- the history of time travel is a story of white people

perusing vanity projects that don't much amount to anything

meanwhile one billion chinese don't need a time machine

the future is already theirs

- better give it to the black man if you really want to shake-things-up

anything less and you're kidding yourself

"Japs and Nazis Win the War"

doesn't really cast the same pall in the shadow of that

Hutu and Tootsie

Hutu and Tootsie were vaudeville characters.

their act was more violent than contemporaries Laurel and Hardy.

the dynamic was more Punch and Judy than Abbott and Costello.

an average scene involved Hutu gang raping Tootsie through multiple wounds made with a machete and typically ended with Hutu affixing Tootsie's severed head to a pike. the two would then take a bow.

being essentially free of dialogue their transition to radio was a dismal failure although they later achieved mild success touring the american South

where they were hailed as the Nat Turner alternative to the Amos and Andy Sambo archetype.

ETHICS

THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO DO

- KILL A WHALE AND DRAG IT INTO THE ARCTIC

- CONSUME ITS ENTIRE BODY OVER THE COURSE OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

this is the most ethical decision i have ever made.

ramen

If I had to look at everything I've ever looked at or thought about while masturbating

I would kill myself

If I had to have dinner with everyone I've ever fucked or "slept with"

I would be fucked

I would not show up for that dinner

I would rather eat ramen noodles out of a styrofoam cup

I mean I would rather eat ramen noodles out of a styrofoam cup

with the hollow green peas and the impossibly orange cubes of carrot for the rest of my life

I would rather do that than have dinner with just me and everyone I've ever fucked

charlie brown

you said you love Charlie Brown. I am Charlie Brown. love me.